Caramel Fudge glazed Zucchini-Almond Loaf with Dark Chocolate Chunks and Roasted Almond Topping (aka "The Monster")

Here. it. Comes.

Look at the thing that I have created. C'mon. Take a good look, long and ample. It can kill people. Poor, diabetic people. Seriously. It's basically a cake covered in caramel fudge, covered in roasted almonds, covered in caramelized sugar. It's snotty. It thinks it's better than you. It's dangerous.

It all started out nice and tame with a lovely little semi-HEALTHY loaf cake that even has ZUCCHINI in it. Do you hear me? Zucchini! How can this not be at least half good for you? I thought I was being extra considerate by using only half the amount of oil and replacing it with applesauce, creating something that could even be turned into breakfast muffins.

And then I must have fallen in a trance induced by the captivating fragrance of  roasting ground almonds and something took possession of my body and mind. Not something. Someone. I could swear that on the other side of the planet, Paula Deen was having an out of body experience. She controlled me and MADE ME do this. That must be it. I mean, I have to blame someone else but me, right?

The moment I gained control over myself again – with an inexplicable scent of fried cheesecake still lingering on me - I gazed at what I have done. It just sat there, taunting me with those roasted, sugar coated sliced almonds topping its glistening, buttery, fudgy glaze. “It – it's a MONSTER” were the first words that I managed to stutter. As if that wasn't enough, after cutting it, big chunks of dark chocolate came to light. How did they...?! Well, nevermind, y'all.

I don't have to tell you just how good this cake was, do I?

However, because of this...incident...I can never be sure of my own sanity again (like I ever could...).

Therefore, I have created a badge that, whenever something like this happens again, dares you to:

That's right. Whenever a recipe on this blog transcends into a different sphere of arteries clogging lusciousness, I am going to warn you with this. So look out for future monsters coming!

But now the recipe, y'all! :

Caramel Fudge glazed Zucchini-Almond Loaf with Dark Chocolate Chunks and Roasted Almond Topping (aka "The Monster")

Cake

I apologize for the measurements being in oz. but as the recipe this one is based on was written on an old note in grams, converting it into cups would only end up in an inaccurate mess.

• 12.8 oz. sugar (360g)
• 1 ts vanilla extract
• 3 eggs
• 4.5 fl. oz. applesauce (130ml)
• 4.5 fl oz. oil (130ml)
• 1 ts cinnamon
• 13.8 oz. AP flour (390g)
• 8.5 oz of finely grated zucchini, slightly squeezed out (about 240g)
• 3.5 oz ground almonds (100g)
• 1/2 ts baking powder
• 3.5 oz. dark chocolate or a bit more to taste, coarsely chopped (100g)
• Oil and breadcrumbs for the pan or if you are as lazy as I am, parchment paper to line it.

1. Preheat oven to 355°F (180°C), prepare a 12'' (30cm) loaf pan/tin by greasing it and lighly covering the surface with breadcrumbs afterwards.
2. In a small pot, carefully roast the ground almonds over medium heat until golden brown and the kitchen smells like heaven, set aside.
3. Whisk together eggs, sugar, oil and applesauce along with cinnamon and vanilla extract.
4. With a hand-mixer, add flour, baking powder and ground almonds.
5. Either with a dough scraper or tablespoon, fold in grated zucchini and dark chocolate.
6. Pour batter in loaf pan/tin and bake on centre rack for about an hour or a stick comes out clean.
7. Put on cooling rack and remove from pan/tin when temperature allows.

Alright, if you stop here, you'll end up with a nice late-summery loaf and loads of discipline. Congratulations. I couldn't.

Sliced Almond Brittle

• 3.5 oz. (100g) sliced almonds
• 3 tbsp sugar (heaping)
• 1 tbsp butter

1. While loaf is baking, put a small pot on high heat. Add almonds and stir until light golden.
2. Add sugar, keep stirring.
3. When the sugar starts to dissolve, add add.
4. Stir for another minute maybe, making sure that it won't become too dark.
5. Spread flatly on baking try lined with parchment paper.

You should do this step before preparing the glaze as you need to be able to touch the brittle when topping the cake.

Caramel Fudge Glaze

• 1 cup (225g) natural brown sugar (demerara/ turbinado, but what's in a name...)
• 3.5 oz. (100g) butter
• 1.7 fl. oz. (50ml) evaporated milk

1. In a small pot or saucepan, stir together all ingredients over medium heat,
2. Bring them to boil, stirring constantly
3. Keep stirring for 3 minutes

Finishing Touches

1. Place loaf on parchment paper
2. Evenly pour glaze on top.
3. With a spoon, spread dripped down glaze onto sides of the loaf until nothing is left.
4. Top loaf with brittle, crumbling it between fingers if needed.

That's it, from mah kitchen to yerrrrs WHO SAID THAT???

Do you have any recipes like that, that make you feel guilty and cry in a corner after having a bite (or two, or three or...). I'd love to hear them!